Tuesday, July 2, 2013

"A New Chapter"

Have you ever been so engrossed in a book that you just couldn't put it down. It's as if you were a part of the story or one of the characters. Your reading and reading. Your on the edge of your seat and you turn the page to see the next chapter. Your so into it, you just have to see what happens next but it quickly becomes apparent that the story has dramatically changed and all the facts that you had come to know where now all in question. Everything you were so sure of has now been flipped on it's head. You have no idea where it's going. So you keep reading hoping that at some point the facts that you know to be true would realign coming to the conclusion of the book but that rarely ever happens does it? If you haven't picked up on it yet, this is a picture of our lives. We start out thinking we got the main facts covered then life happens and all of a sudden everything we thought we knew and could count on suddenly comes into question. We don't have an answer so we put our head back in the book and hope that in the end it will turn out alright but that doesn't work in real life. We have to make wise choices or suffer the consequences for poor decisions.

So a few years ago I am teaching my teenage son and we sit down for the dreaded talk. Oh yes the talk! Little did I know back then that the lessons I would teach him would be drawn upon and applied in my own life just a few years later. If you have teenagers or have gone through this stage you know that this only goes one of two ways. There is total silence or your blown out of your chair by how many questions your kids have and your scrambling for a sedative. Here's my advise here. You don't have the talk. What! No Talk? Hear me out. You start an open discussion that basically doesn't end until they walk away from the altar with their spouse. Seems crazy? Ask a parent that has a teenager with one or two kids already. The point is if you are constantly revisiting the subject and your kids are free to ask you questions you as an adult can much better gage exactly what may or may not be going on and direct them appropriately or lock them in a room. Just kidding. It builds trust and will carry over into all parts of their relational lives and your relationship will be stronger for it.

Now back to the story. So the page flips on my life and I find myself back in the world as a single man for the first time in 20 plus years. You talk about new chapter. In my book this chapter didn't exist. I don't believe divorce is an option and I don't even use the word. I believe that marriage is a lifelong covenant but still I found myself in this new chapter with few answers and not sure where it was going. Fortunately, I am a marriage counselor and relationship guy and I study psychology and such topics so I could identify things that most wouldn't. Being that I haven't dated in 20 years and things have changed quite a bit, I was still at a loss in some spots. The first thing was the Internet. Dating sites weren't even in existence when I was dating last, now you can put all your criteria in and out pops your perfect match. Your matches are so perfect you think they were all former Ms. America's. They obviously can do the same and dial up Mr.Right which is so convenient. So after a few interactions I quickly learned that there was little difference from dating 20 years earlier. Even though the process was sped up by rapid information via the Internet. The information was flawed and people misrepresented themselves. Which is really what we all do at some level, but when you do it that lie will always be the thing that haunts your relationship. I have read hundreds of profiles and most are quite amusing. If I have to hear one more time that someone is waiting"for the one" or "Mr. Right" or my personal favorite. "I'm not going to settle" because I'm worth it. Hey we are all worthy of love but some have watched to many movies.The point here and it is no matter what age you are. Better yet the question to ask is "Am I the who the person who I am looking for is looking for?
I know deep right?
We have to be honest with ourselves and realize that we can want the moon and the stars and think we deserve them but if the perfect match was to present itself would they want us?
Are you the person you are looking for is looking for?
So for the single people you have an opportunity to get it right the first time. Become the person that you would want to meet so that when they meet you, you will know it was meant to be.
Now if your married and you want to see sparks fly and mountains move. Spin back the wheels of time and remember what makes your spouse tick and get enthusiastic and excited about starting a new chapter of your own.
Be Blessed!

1 comment:

  1. Are you becoming Mr. or Mrs. Right? Oh, I forgot to tell you also, this process never ends people. It's onging for the rest of your lives. Have you ever wondered why some people never stay in a committed relationship? That's right! It requires work. That's why we have so many failed marriages today because one or both spouses stopped working at the relationship.


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