Saturday, April 4, 2009

"You've Lost That Loving Feeling"

I'm sure you remember this classic scene in Top Gun. It was an over the top pick up line of sorts from a guy who was a little bit wacky. I know it's a movie but just follow me for a minute because if you remember the movie, she falls head over heels for the guy. The point here is that he wanted to meet the woman and by this clip he was shown to be willing to do just about anything right up to embarrassing himself in front of his peers. It shows he's committed and he was willing to lay down his pride-persona-ego and take it to the limit. He thought the woman was worth possibly humiliating himself for the opportunity to meet her. Now I know there are some women saying " So your telling me to fall for every over the top pick up line". No, what I'm saying is you can recognize in moments after that if the person is genuine or not and whether there is sincerity at heart. Through conversation make your own assessment whether a relationship is worth pursuing or not. (watch the clip again she is qualifying him to find out who he really is.)

So here's the question. Have you found moments where you felt you lost that loving feeling for your spouse. I'm sure if you've been married for any considerable length of time you have hit this proverbial wall or maybe your there right now. You may be saying to yourself "this can't be all there is" or "this isn't what I dreamed my marriage would be", or the new classic "I have fallen out of love with you" or this cult classic "we've just grown apart". These are some of the common phrases of people that have given up on their marriage or are about to walk out on their marriage. One of the most common things I here from people who are in marital distress is " I can't believe this is where my marriage has ended up". They respond almost like they weren't aware they had a part in messing it up. What happened?

I'm here to tell you marriage is hard work. To have a healthy, growing, intimate, and loving marriage takes all you have to give and odds are if you have fallen on hard times in your relationship you haven't been doing what is required. When we are in the early stage of courting someone, it is usually very exciting and new. Just like Maverick we bring it, we do everything we can to win her heart. I like to call this the Bliss stage. We are so entranced by our new found love that we pull out all the stops. We are always doing things to show that special person how much we care about them and are thinking about them. Then something happens, we commit to each other in the relationship and slowly all those beautiful loving gestures, acts of service, special walks together or just quality time together starts to fade. If it goes unchecked the beautiful loving relationship you once had will eventually fade away.

The good news is it's not to late to turn back the clock and get back to what endeared you to your spouse in the first place. It takes two to make a marriage work. So don't be shy to say exactly what you need from your spouse or would like to see more of in your relationship. Be creative and get out of your comfort zone. Spontaneity wins points and who doesn't like to be surprised from time to time. Bottom line is show your spouse how much you love and care for them. Ask God to help you with this rebuilding and understand it's a process but don't be surprised to see instant changes and benefits. With God's help any marriage can be restored into a relationship that is more fulfilling and loving than you could ever of imagined.


  1. Well, I'm still a newlywed and me and my hubby pretend to be in a honeymoon for a long time. We met through a Catholic website exactly because we wanted to be with a person with the same family values, obedience to God and expectations in life. We pray together everyday, and it certainly help us bond even more each day.

  2. Vicki,
    It sounds like you are on the right track. Remember though the bliss stage will last for approximately 2 years. So work on your communication,try to keep things fresh in your interactions with each other, and most of all stay close to Jesus and you'll be just fine. God Bless!

  3. Nice post. Not many people realised that couplehood needs a lot of work after initial bliss wears off and life gets a bit of a routine. Good and open communication helps to keep a relationship together during tough times.

  4. Wish I'd found a blog like this 6 months ago; I may not have had to go to divorce court next week. Great article. God Bless you

  5. Thanks for your comment Ed. Sorry to here about your divorce. I wish you the best. You never know God is the worker of miracles.


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